Ideas for a really bad NPC mod

Just out of morbid curiosity (and a bit of perverse fun), I'm trying to conceive what can be considered the "worst NPC mod". They might include:

1. Weak stats (9 throughout)
2. Weak class (perhaps Wizard Slayer?)
3. Comes equipped with cursed items that give negative bonuses
4. Talks regularly... Like once every 30 seconds
5. Romances everybody from male to female to animals (even Wilson the Bear)
6. Writing that rivals the worst of fanfiction (maybe yaoi + graphic details + something else)
7. Ludicrous background (Star Wars + DnD + LotR + some camp stuff)
8. Interrupts you with sleep talks at inconvenient moments, when you're fighting Ascension Melissan, for example
9. Lots of melodrama - if Saerileth can die of heartbreak, maybe he/she/it dies if you don't sleep with he/she/it

Any other bright ideas? :p