How to make dialogs that work? I can make broken ones ._.

Hello I am trying to make some more encounters in Baldur's Gate and I bumbled my way into a few problems: namely dialog. @Arunsun Here is a broken dialog, how can this be fixed / improved?

BEGIN OLMELIAQ

IF ~  True()
~ THEN BEGIN 0 // from:
  SAY ~Your life means nothing to me. Although my employer has placed a pretty penny upon a head that much like your own. Say would you be as so kind and lay down and die? T'would be most convenient.~
~+ ~Over my dead body you runt legged wench! I'll be knocking you flat to be pushing up daisies and taking your pretty pennies!~ + OverMyDeadBody
~+ ~Hold on there my lady, what if this head is not the one you are after? There are many heads that look alike, who is your employer anyway?~ + HoldOnThere
~+ ~Why ask your foes to lay down and die? I see you come baring arms surely you don't expect myself to just lay down and die? What about the struggle of life and death? If I am to die I would first like to know who put a price on my head. + WhyAskYourFoes


IF ~~ WhyAskYourFoes
   SAY  ~Why this line of work gets so tiresome, tracking and hunting for days on end; I just want to get paid. Eh a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. I ain't telling nobody who pays me mate, lest me head roll off one night. Everytime the same question! Stubborn ilk you all are.~
      ~+ ~Lazy bastard! I'll give you a fight you pint-sized ragamuffin!~ + LazyBastard
      ~+ ~I will not give my life to you willingly, especially to fatten someone else's coin purse. Get a real job you hack scum brained bandit.~ + IWillNotGive
      ~+ ~Such needless violence, live by the sword, er, flail die by the flail. One day all this indiscriminate killing will catch up to you my lady. Can't we just part ways without violence?~ + SuchNeedlessViolence
 
 IF ~~ OverMyDeadBody
   SAY  ~So rude! I'll swing me flails extra hard to crack your thick skull open; beat some manners into ya I will!~ EXIT

 IF ~~ LazyBastard
   SAY  ~So rude! I'll swing me flails extra hard to crack your thick skull open; beat some manners into ya I will!~ EXIT

IF ~~ + IWillNotGive
   SAY  ~So rude! I'll swing me flails extra hard to crack your thick skull open; beat some manners into ya I will!~~ EXIT

IF ~~ HoldOnThere
   SAY  ~Well I'll take that risk, last time it was not so bad when I got it wrong. I got to keep the loot anyway, that is what everyone wants these days anyway. The boss does not take kindly to finks. So will you be a darling and just, DIE!~ EXIT

IF ~~ SuchNeedlessViolence
   SAY  ~Well I'll take that risk, last time it was not so bad when I got it wrong. I got to keep the loot anyway, that is what everyone wants these days anyway. The boss does not take kindly to finks. So will you be a darling and just, DIE!~ EXIT
   END

It is for Melia Quicknight an assassin on the Crossroads that drops a Ring of Accurate Striking +1. Poor girl just walks up and cannot talk to the party yet spams her first meeting dialog. Any solutions anyone reckon? I am looking to improve here so I can make more content for the community. ___________________________________________________________________ Also here are some Works In Progress of other stuff in the same Extra Expanded Enhanced Encounters module. Daenni WIP Wand of Frost and Arrows of Ice Fire Drake, Greater Wyverns, Extra Wyvern and Ring of Accurate Striking +2 U.M.B.E.R.S. Encounter Work in Progress and the OLHELM00 Bimmy and his Composite Longbow +2 'Strong Arm' and the highwaymen gang. How does one link Ioin Gallchobhair's shout dialog to make Bimmy (OLBIMMY) attack the party as well if they pick to fight instead of give their gold away in the dialog?